Horrifying Social Situations.

Don't you just hate awkward situations? I'm talking about situations that are so awkward that no-one on this planet has thought of a way to deal with them. Situations that would make the most socially confident people, run home and cry to their mother. Situations, such as, when you have to poop in public... Not like Paula Radcliffe style or anything, that is just taking it too far, but c'mon, we have all been there at sometime in our life.

It is a fact (well almost) that 73% of the population either poops, or have pooped at some point in their life. Most of us, will probably poop at some point in our lives. It is a pretty common bodily function. But, what percentage of the pooping population are comfortable with pooping in some one else's toilet? Excluding strange Dave from down the road.. nobody. Nobody on this planet likes pooping in someone else's loo. If you think about it, it's a little unnerving. I mean, using the loo is not exactly a new concept. Pretty much everyone on this entire planet has the same style of toilet. We aren't scared of using the toilet incorrectly, that would be absurd. But, however simple the toilet contraption has been made, there is always the potential for something to go wrong, a situation that is un-fixable when you are using the facilities of someone else's home.

Unless you are Dave, from down the road, and have no problem pooping in someone else's loo, or you have no sense of embarrassment and so are therefore pretty much a social retard, when you become aware of the fact that at some point during that evening, you are going to have to use another's loo, you have a moment of panic and a number of thoughts go through your mind. You think of all of the things that could, embarrassingly, go wrong.

For example; it is actually a law that, if you pass a particularly smelly one that makes your eyes water out of both stench, and embarrassment, someone will walk in within a minute of you leaving and you will be forced to make up some rubbish excuse about stomach leprosy, or a korma from last night. You remember the last time this happened, when you avoided making eye contact with the person walking in out of shear shame. You cringed as a telepathic message from them saying "I know you didn't eat that curry you vile excuse for a human being, we all know why it smells, I am not happy." that exited their evil stare and hit you right in the face because you refused to look at them, as you shuffled past them in a hurried manner of fashion.
This is a situation you'd prefer to avoid, for obvious reasons, but how do you gauge the stench of your dilemma before it is too late?

Before committing the crime, you can't help but think: what if it's a blockbuster film lengthed production? What if, you are having a movie night with friends, you ask them to pause it so you can go to the loo, and everyone has to wait half an hour for you to drop a bomb in the bathroom, whilst you sit there in shame knowing full well that everyone in the next room knows exactly what you are doing in the bathroom and are becoming more and more impatient after every second. Let's face it, if everyone in the building is focusing on what your ass is doing, it is not going to go any faster is it? A situation that most like to avoid.

Now obviously, there are worse outcomes than the two I have listed here, but frankly, they are too vulgar and too repulsive to discuss, so I shall just give you some time to imagine them:








I think that should be a sufficient length of time.

Unfortunately, this is one of the most awkward situations on the planet. As I said earlier, it is so awkward, no one has figured out how to act during them. If you figure it out, comment and save the readers from said embarrassement - oh and rescue some of my teenage years.


But, until then, Yours Youngsters_World.