Things That Make You Go Hmm..

When pigs lose their voice are they disgruntled?

Committing and why it's like trying to get blood out of a stone(but you can't get blood out of a stone...can you?)

I could make an agonizingly long opening sentence about what an age it has been since my last blog, but I won't..wait.. Despite the fact it is already proving to be quite the epic balls up, I do in fact wish to make a point in this post and as the title states, I am going to talk about committing.

What is committing?

As I tucked myself into bed last night with my grandpa bear hot water bottle, steaming cuppa and a retainer as all teenagers do, there was only one thought on my mind, running. I had it all planned out: Up at 6am, change into sportswear, sprint for 20 minutes before school. It was the classic night before excitement of an ingenious plan, a new beginning. This was the new Aliel, the up before sunrise, all singing all squatting athlete. So what did I do at 6 this morning when the delightful bell chimes rung in my ear, the title of my alarm 'getcho ass up' flashing charmingly in my face, I wiped the sleet from my eyes, stretched out my limbs, and slammed one determined hand onto...the snooze button. Yes, 2 hours of my overactive imagination the previous night spent sighing with contentment at the mental image conjured up, flawless abs and brilliant buns, yet alas what was to win out in the end but the age old dormancy, the fickle wants of a pampered conscience. I suppose a more fitting title for this section would have been what isn't committing, my story does have a satisfying end however.

So ten minutes and 4000 (exaggeration, more like 3900) uncomfortable position shifts later found me twisting the blankets irritably and feeling extremely sorry for myself. 2 hours of planning and a 5 second decision to say..naah! I gazed over to my left, the metallic sheen of my sports bra staring back at me, judgingly. With a groan of frustration (Ooh-uh!) I threw my blankets to the side, ripping the retainer from my mouth as I marched to the bathroom, for one does not want to go sprinting on a full bladder, potentionally hazardous to many. It was over before I knew it, I returned to the house slightly red in the face, with an attractive gloss on my forehead and despite one small incident in which a dog walker caught me doing a catch-my-breath-awkward-wiggle dance, it had gone smoothly. I'd done it, I just needed to know how good it would feel when it was over, how better my day would be if I'd just overcome that one thing.

'Thank the lord almighty, IT'S OVER!'

No, I wasn't referring to this post, rude. That's just a small example of what one might say when they have achieved or exceeded their goals, albeit a few more swears may be included in that victory. Committing is hard because you are faced with other options, options that in the short term will seem so much more appealing and above all, easier. I started weight training a year ago but didn't truly commit till january this year, every single day I come home and see the large cushy armchair beckoning to me, 'come rest your weary feet young child!' uhh..it might say. Of course even worse than the options is the excuses! I tell myself, well other people aren't doing it so it's okay. The problem is, you're NOT other people. Why be the person who everyone overlooks, why settle for mediocre, in fact why ever settle. It's that elation, not comfort, not contentment but the pure euphoria achieved when you've triumphed over your hardships. That is committing , and thought it can be a long painful process filled with doubts and difficulties, it is always worth it.

...God I'm good.

Armadillo.

Right, be warned. This post is a happy one.

We have a new maths teacher.

Never have I ever seen any man command such respect from a room whilst indeed wearing socks and sandals.

That is all.

Awkward_Donkey.

Pointless Observation of the Week.

The man on the right in the red t-shirt is holding a balloon.

This picture could be perceived as racist. It's not.

Hey guess what??!!!!

I'm in ICT again. -.-

We have OFSTED in so I have been instructed to do something appropriate.

I think this is perfectly appropriate. OFSTED are supposed to assess a school's ability to teach kids so why put on a show? That's what I say.

Long story short, school frustrates me.

Awkward_Donkey out.

This is My Dad.

I'm sure you can understand my sorrow.

Wednesday 18th January 2012. A Day Like No Other.

So I'm sat here in an ICT lesson. "OH MA GAWD!"  I hear you cry. Nope, no I have not recently developed a more rebelious streak, I have actually finished my ICT course and so literally, with no exaggeration involved, I have nothing to do. My teacher has declared that he couldn't care less what we do in this hour of our lives just as long as we don't kill anyone, so I figured I'd have a bit of a moan.

WHY AM I HERE??

I ask myself this every minute of my school life. Now, you're probably an adult since teenagers don't tend to read blogs. In which case your school days are long over and your memory is likely to be a clouded one. I doubt you fully remember the trauma that we have to go to. I know, I know, life gets worse as you grow up and us teenagers really have nothing significant to worry about but that's most of the problem. I spend 6 hours a day with a headache caused by boredom and with next to no stimulation what so ever, I then get home and try to concentrate to get some work done but the focus just isn't there. It's not something you can just turn on? I've spent the best part of 5 years of my life sitting around doing nothing. Actually, no, that's a lie. There was one day in January this year, it was a Wednesday, when I actually did a full days work! I did coursework and homework every single lesson and then did an hour and a half of additional maths after school. I then got home and did more work until I completed everything that was required of me for the next three weeks. It just shows you what you can achieve when you put your mind to it. For granted I didn't do the right thing in the right lesson but at least I didn't waste any time. Of course it did mean I then sat around literally doing NOTHING for three weeks but still, my sense of accomplishment was well deserved.

This is my point. Give me work and I shall do it and feel good about doing it. When I'm not challenged I get angry and complacent and therefore do not achieve my potential. GCSEs are getting easier and that's precisely why my generation is getting thicker, we're aloud to be and it's accepted from us. This annoys me. Some people like sitting around all day, wasting their time and not getting anything done but I don't.

Point made.

Awkward_Donkey.

This Just Made Me Laugh.

One Direction? Pha.

Aren't Mondays just terrible?

So it's Monday morning and here in England it's basically redundant, and so I figured I'd drop you a bit of a message (after slipping in a cheeky film quote) so that you can brighten up your day - and block out them screaming hoodlems since after all, who actually likes half term?

Well basically, 'bandslam' is an amazing film. Yes I know it's got Vanessa Hudgens in it and it should be a cheap excuse for a disney channel movie, but it really isn't.

The soundtrack is quite frankly top class and it is a very funny film, so yeah, watch it.

From Awkward_Donkey.

Pointless Observation of the Week.

Crocodiles are often green.

Do you like bagels?

*Blink* Huh? What's that? Awkward_Donkey has been proactive enough to actually write TWO blog posts in ONE day?
I know, I was thinking that too, but you see, my last post wasn't quite moan-ey enough. Actually, I think it was actually quite upbeat? It left me feeling all weird and happy. So something had to be done! We Brits can't go around being all smiley and joyful? I mean what even is that? (In case you're over the age of about 20 then that phrase is one which expresses my disgust, rather than my confusion, just to clear up any discrepancies.)

FOR ALL WE KNOW, WE MIGHT NOT MAKE TOMAARROOW

Urgh, the radio is on, poor music choice Dad, poor.

Well that's the pointlessly boring beginning over, now to what I am actually here to talk about. Metaphorically speaking, obviously I'm not actually with you right now, and clearly I'm writing not talking, but I'm sure you got that when you read it so really, there was no real need for me to explain that to you.

I think we should move on.

What makes me angry? Attention seekers. Yes, that's right, I said it. Phew a weight off my shoulders.

I'm not talking about them feebly rubbish attention seekers who think that people are actually interested in whether or not Johnny asked them if they like bagels, I'm talking about them infuriatingly thick, bland excuses for humans who let their annoying habit become them. The kind of people who inform you that they've just bought some new shoes and that they cost £89.99 and that the shoes so utterly amazing that you have to listen to a 7 minute long story about how they were picked out and why they're just perfectly beautiful. That kind of person.

Everybody knows the type. The people who will have watched a soap for the first time over the weekend. I know, shock horror! But will then have to re-tell the ENTIRE plot line to every single person they meet over the next two weeks just because the first person they told let out a bit of a chuckle because they felt sorry for the storyteller, even though everybody else watched the soap too. Urgh, these people are infuriating.

They let themselves become the dull stories that they tell so frequently as they think they are creating some amusement when actually they are just instilling pity within their victims.

*Eye Roll* I just got a text message: OH EM GEE I was just in Waterstones, this girl told me my shoelace was untied. I THINK IT WAS DEMI LOVATO.

Really? Do you? Because I don't. Even if it was, I don't really care, because she's boring just like you, Mr I don't actually have a personality, I'm just a collection of tediously repetitive, barely true anecdotes. Now grow up and buy some character. You smelly poo.

That's much better, a lot more British aye?

Awkward_Donkey out.

Shameless Self Promotion. Part 1.

Oh heeeyyyaaaaa or some other cheesy greeting like that?..

So, I am about to go on a global stand up comedy tour and I was just wondering if you guys would like tickets? Pfft, I blooming wish.

Actually, I am in a show at the Haymarket Theatre in Basingstoke from the 9th to the 18th of February (which is going to be equally amazing) and I was wondering if you guys would like tickets?

It's called the Basingstoke Gangshow. Yeap it's a gangshow! (that means it's superly dooperly brilliant) The show is made up of a load of scouts and guides in Basingstoke and we've all worked really hard, SO YOU BETTER COME AND SEE IT! Or I'll kill a tree. Or something equally as threatening because there aren't any trees in my garden and you know, walking is meh.

So that's my message, go here to buy tickets.

You had better! Or the environmental status of your world will severely decline. .. .. And we'll all blame YOU, or something like that anyway.

So yeah.
Awkward_Donkey.

Dogs. Yes, Dogs.

If you had a dog, what would you call it? I would call mine something cool, like Turnip or Smelly Face, or That Dog. Yeah. Just thought you should know.

Today I Did Nothing, I Thought About The Weekend.

Recently we've started to be given far more homework than we have in previous months and I'm finding it hard to keep up with it all. I don't really see the point. We spend most of our time at school just sitting around. Like today, I literally, and I'm not even exaggerating, did nothing but share some small talk and move between classes. I just sat around. Yet we get set hours of homework? Surely we could be doing the work in class time? Like now, I'm supposed to be completing a matrix, well first finding out what a matrix is, then doing an entire mock exam and writing a case study. That's all for just one subject. I understand that realistically it's not that much work but compared the amount of work I'm expected to do at school? It's like a whole dissertation. You can see my frustration. Well, probably not, I'm a stroppy teen. You probably think I'm just complaining again. Which I am.

I'm not sure if you caught it, but basically, I'm procrastination RN, or even right now for you non-chavs out there.

Oh and I've just found out I need to do some logs as well. What is a log I here you ask? Well, you have to write down exactly what you did in a lesson in chronological order, and say exactly what you were thinking at every single second of each minute. As you can image, it's a very tedious job and a lot of it is made up seeing as you can't write: Today we did nothing, I thought about the weekend. Imagination? Kick in now. Please?

Have you seen The Fat Fighters, Channel 4? It's good. Watch it.

I got a gym membership today, which I guess is sort of related? Not that you care. I like the gym. Although, it is the epitome of embarrassment. Meh, it's gotta be done aye?

Right, I've got work to be getting on with, so GO AWAY. I blame you for my failure.

Awkward Donkey. - who likes goats.

I'm Just Popping To The Store Love, We've Run Out Of Awkward Teenagers.

BICYCLE BICYCLE BICYCLE

So, I was at school today and a girl walked past in the corridor shouting and it made me realise quite how stupid some people really are. At school you have a wide range of people all forced to get along while they make that awkward transition from a child to an adult. It's basically like the place you are forced to go everyday because there is nowhere else to 'store' you. You spend all day wasting time until you can get home and waste time preparing for another waste of time day, until it's the weekend, when you waste all of your time because realistically, when you take out the hours needed for eating sleeping and social networking - which is obviously of vital importance - what can one achieve in just two days of holiday? Basically, my point is, school is just a place where you waste 5 years cooped up with some of the most awful human beings on the planet as they make crude jokes and prey on the weakest whilst trying, and failing miserably to make themselves look good in front of the strongest.

SAVIOUR OF THE UNIVERSE

So anyway, there are some people at school, and you'll probably recognise the type, who think they are the coolest people who have ever graced the planet with their presence. These are the people who backchat teachers, are rude to their friends, vandalise and just generally run a riot. They're the kind of people who end up with a broken nose and a black eye the minute they get to college. They think that they're about 36 years of age and that smoking is the coolest thing since Elvis. The girl in question was one of these kind of people. She went stomping down the corridor and bellowed:

"Oh my Christ ! I need an effing lemsip."

I'll wait whilst you read that again. .. A lemsip? This was her way of asserting her authority amongst her friends? A lemsip.

HERE I STAND, LOOK AROUND

For a start, her plan to make herself look like Mrs Lord Chavvy McChav Chav Pants failed because she ended up just quoting the mum from Gavin and Stacey.
Secondly, a lemsip. I don't even think I need to expand. I mean, a fag or something? Maybe. But a lemsip?? - Yes, that even deserved a double question mark.
Thirdly, was it really necessary to add half a swear word into that sentence? She's obviously one of them people who are new to swearing and so just swears inappropriately at every single oppertunity at the expense of their reputation, and everyone else's sanity.

To my surprise, her 'friends' seemed to be impressed?

So look out everyone, lemsip, coming to a street corner near you. Keep your kids at home there will be paracetamol addled teens littering your street, but at least they won't complain of having a headache.

Awkward Donkey.

Wait, You Killed A Honey Badger?

You know them people who go on and on about their endless accomplishments? Like how just last week they got to the top of Mt. Everest on a unicycle or how they got up early to slay the honey badger that's been trampling on their immaculately kept posies in the garden using only their bare hands?

"Oh yes, I've just back from doing the three peak challenge with pneumonia and a broken leg, but I'm still battling on! What have you recently accomplished?"

Did you really? That's nothing, I got out of bed on time this morning? I think I win.


These people are obnoxious. They thrive on being better than us normal people.

"I just caught a serial killer using my dashing good looks and my cunning intelligence."

Oh did you? Well I just beat my sister at a game of cludeo so I think we're on a Parr.


I don't mind achievement, don't get me wrong, but endless bragging? There's only so many times your acquaintances can say, "Oh really? Well Done" when you put their lives to shame during a casual conversation so if you're one of these people, GET OVER YOURSELF!

Climb Mount Everest if you wish, I don't care, but I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT!

Yours, an annoyed Awkward Donkey.

So, Uhrm yeah. Hi.

Right okay. I'm sat here listening to a bit of Queen. - Just in case you were wondering.

You know when someone hasn't posted for a while? Like on a blog or even just twitter? Sometimes they post a little sorry post. Something that goes along the lines of: "HEY Y'ALLLLL Sorry I've been missing for a bit. Hope Ya Didn't Miss Me!". Well I've been missing for a while and that's exactly what I'm not going to do.

Oh heck the song's changed. Kings of Leon - just to keep you updated.

I actually hate them messages. Well. I have a mild dislike for them. For starters most of the lame people who do it have been gone about 20 minutes and think that just because they got one message one time saying someone thought their half witted sentences were pure genius -instead of the illiterate rubbish that is actually posted- it means they're famous. I'm fairly sure I'm not the only one who doesn't miss someone from the interweb after they've not posted for a bit and I'm fairly sure that they themselves don't miss anyone so why do they do it??

"Soz guys I'm in California this week-end, I'll still try to tweet! Luff Ya"

*vomit* No-one cares.

But what's the point of this blog post I'm still reading? I hear you cry.

Well, basically, a friend of mine has started blogging and I remembered how much I enjoyed it. That is all. So here I am.
I stopped blogging because it became a chore. I felt guilty if I didn't post regularly, and I felt guilty if what I posted was complete utter drivel and so it was hard to get a balance, not that you really care, as we have already established.

"Just so you knaaooww" How appropriate. Thank you Kings of Leon.

Also, if you've read any of my other posts, you may have noticed that my tone AND style have changed. Meh, it's been a year, I'm a different person. I hope you like this me better. If not? BooHoo.


I'm changing my name because online you can just do that. Oh, and the blog name, yep. Bye bye Young Freedom, hello 2012.

Awkward Donkey Out.