Do you like bagels?

*Blink* Huh? What's that? Awkward_Donkey has been proactive enough to actually write TWO blog posts in ONE day?
I know, I was thinking that too, but you see, my last post wasn't quite moan-ey enough. Actually, I think it was actually quite upbeat? It left me feeling all weird and happy. So something had to be done! We Brits can't go around being all smiley and joyful? I mean what even is that? (In case you're over the age of about 20 then that phrase is one which expresses my disgust, rather than my confusion, just to clear up any discrepancies.)

FOR ALL WE KNOW, WE MIGHT NOT MAKE TOMAARROOW

Urgh, the radio is on, poor music choice Dad, poor.

Well that's the pointlessly boring beginning over, now to what I am actually here to talk about. Metaphorically speaking, obviously I'm not actually with you right now, and clearly I'm writing not talking, but I'm sure you got that when you read it so really, there was no real need for me to explain that to you.

I think we should move on.

What makes me angry? Attention seekers. Yes, that's right, I said it. Phew a weight off my shoulders.

I'm not talking about them feebly rubbish attention seekers who think that people are actually interested in whether or not Johnny asked them if they like bagels, I'm talking about them infuriatingly thick, bland excuses for humans who let their annoying habit become them. The kind of people who inform you that they've just bought some new shoes and that they cost £89.99 and that the shoes so utterly amazing that you have to listen to a 7 minute long story about how they were picked out and why they're just perfectly beautiful. That kind of person.

Everybody knows the type. The people who will have watched a soap for the first time over the weekend. I know, shock horror! But will then have to re-tell the ENTIRE plot line to every single person they meet over the next two weeks just because the first person they told let out a bit of a chuckle because they felt sorry for the storyteller, even though everybody else watched the soap too. Urgh, these people are infuriating.

They let themselves become the dull stories that they tell so frequently as they think they are creating some amusement when actually they are just instilling pity within their victims.

*Eye Roll* I just got a text message: OH EM GEE I was just in Waterstones, this girl told me my shoelace was untied. I THINK IT WAS DEMI LOVATO.

Really? Do you? Because I don't. Even if it was, I don't really care, because she's boring just like you, Mr I don't actually have a personality, I'm just a collection of tediously repetitive, barely true anecdotes. Now grow up and buy some character. You smelly poo.

That's much better, a lot more British aye?

Awkward_Donkey out.